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Archive for the ‘Recipes That Piss Me Off’ Category

Pecan Cheesecake Pie

Southern Living found a way to make a pie composed purely of sugar, corn syrup, and pecans even more diabetic.

Ingredients

  • 1/2  (15-oz.) package refrigerated piecrusts
  • 1  (8-oz.) package cream cheese, softened
  • 4  large eggs, divided
  • 3/4  cup  sugar, divided
  • 2  teaspoons  vanilla extract, divided
  • 1/4  teaspoon  salt
  • 1 1/4  cups  chopped pecans
  • 1  cup  light corn syrup

Preparation

1. Fit piecrust into a 9-inch pie plate according to package directions. Fold edges under, and crimp.

2. Beat cream cheese, 1 egg, 1/2 cup sugar, 1 tsp. vanilla, and salt at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Pour cream cheese mixture into piecrust; sprinkle evenly with chopped pecans.

3. Whisk together corn syrup and remaining 3 eggs, 1/4 cup sugar, and 1 tsp. vanilla; pour mixture over pecans. Place pie on a baking sheet.

4. Bake at 350° on lowest oven rack 50 to 55 minutes or until pie is set. Cool on a wire rack 1 hour or until completely cool. Serve immediately, or cover and chill up to 2 days.

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Thank you, internet, for letting us post pictures of creepy lamb cakes…or maybe there are small white dog cakes…it is a little hard to tell.



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This post should really be titled Recipes That Terrify Me.

Paula Deen’s Deep-Fried Truffle Cupcakes

Cupcakes

1 3/4 cups sugar
2 3/4 cups cake flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
9 eggs, separated
1 cup water
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon vanilla extract

Truffle

1 cup heavy cream
1 cup semisweet chocolate
1 tablespoon butter, room temperature
Peanut oil, for frying

Batter

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups rice flour
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 egg
1 1/2 (12-ounce) bottles beer

You really shouldn’t want to read on after this. But you should know one step of the baking process includes coating the cupcakes in batter and deep-frying them in batches. Click here, if you dare.

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When I think of a Valentine’s Day menu, I think of souffle, lobster, chocolate, fondue, etc. This year it seems that the featured Valentine’s Day menus are getting a little out of hand. Here is a list of recipes found on actual Valentine’s Day menus that are…let’s say…less traditional.

Avocado Mousse

Seduce your mate with a frothy green blob of avocado. As the article tells us, avocado comes from  “the Spanish word aguacate which comes from the Nahuatl ahuacatl, or testicles.”

Brussels Sprouts with Bacon and Figs

Figs are the traditional aphrodisiac in this recipe (based on their physical resemblance to certain female reproductive organs). But aren’t brussels sprouts the real sex machine in this recipe?

Bazooka Bumblegum Cocktail

Apparently Epicurious’ romantic cocktail of choice not only looks like Pepto, but also makes you yearn for it.

Beet Soup

Nothing like beets and parsnips to get you in the mood.

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Recipe for chocolate eclairs, found at Allrecipes.com.

Ingredients

  • 2 (3.4 ounce) packages instant vanilla pudding mix
  • 1 cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 3 cups milk
  • 1 (8 ounce) container frozen whipped topping, thawed
  • 1 (16 ounce) package graham crackers
  • 1 (16 ounce) container chocolate frosting

Directions

  1. In a large bowl, combine pudding mix and confectioners’ sugar. Whisk in milk until mixture is smooth, then gradually fold in whipped topping.
  2. Place a layer of graham crackers in the bottom of a 9×13 inch pan. Spread 1/3 of pudding mixture over crackers. Cover pudding with another layer of graham crackers. Continue layering until pudding mixture is gone. Cover last pudding layer with another layer of graham crackers.
  3. Remove lid and seal from frosting and microwave at 20 second intervals, stirring between intervals, until frosting is pourable (about 1 minute). Spread frosting evenly over top layer of graham crackers. Refrigerate 24 hours before serving.

Need proof? Click here.

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